I hate your face
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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