I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
