Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
