Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
