Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
