im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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