It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
