So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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