Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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