i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
