i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
is that a dick in a sweater?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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