they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
