and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
