When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
