we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
