i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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