God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
