He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
