God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
