Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
