He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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