Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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