Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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