I seem to have left my pride at pride
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
