what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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