$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
