he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
