I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
