just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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