so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
