The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
