Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
