areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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