Your face is a jimmy john
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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