Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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