i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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