i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
