She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
