I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
