We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
