I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
