hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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