He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
