And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
