TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
