I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
