you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
