Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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