I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
