OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
