Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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