Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
