I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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