Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
