I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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